Comments on: HAPPILY EVA ANSWERS: Best Friends 4-Over https://reztt.com/happily-eva-answers-best-friend-4-over/#utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=happily-eva-answers-best-friend-4-over A Lifestyle Blog from Eva Amurri Mon, 29 Jan 2024 19:56:45 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.0.5 By: Lee https://reztt.com/happily-eva-answers-best-friend-4-over/#comment-266543 Mon, 29 Jan 2024 19:56:45 +0000 https://happilyevaafte.wpenginepowered.com/home/happily-eva-answers-best-friend-4-over#comment-266543 “One of my takes on this situation is that your friend had been using your friendship as her emotional home base the way that most people use their partner. And while I don’t view this as healthy, or fair to you, I can understand why her feelings would be hurt by your attention shifting away from her. You are not her partner, however, and this attachment is misguided.”

I hope some day you might consider more grace for your single friends. Watching friends get married and have kids is exciting AND can also be really hard when you’ve tried but don’t have the same “success” finding a partner. It’s hard enough that society devalues me, and would be crushing if my dearest friends told me they felt I was leaning on them too much. Should I not lean on anyone?

]]> By: Elyse https://reztt.com/happily-eva-answers-best-friend-4-over/#comment-178114 Thu, 17 Jun 2021 19:51:02 +0000 https://happilyevaafte.wpenginepowered.com/home/happily-eva-answers-best-friend-4-over#comment-178114 As someone who does not have children but has friends who do – If she is meant to stay in your life she will. One of my dear friends does such a great job of balancing family but still making time for the conversations and plans that make our relationship feel just special. And I have loved getting to see her daughter grow up.

On the flip side I had a best friend of 25 years (we met in nursery school) who felt like she was slowly slipping away from me in our late 20s – neither of us had kids. At a certain point I had to confront her because it felt like I was shouldering a friendship she was not fighting for anymore. It felt exactly like a longterm breakup – wondering what I did wrong, etc, and it hurt a lot. It has been 10 years, and looking back I know I did what was right to focus my energy on the people that actively want to be a part of my life.

Relationships – no matter who they are with – need equal participation. Sounds like she is not in a place to make that work right now which is unfortunate.

]]> By: Alisha https://reztt.com/happily-eva-answers-best-friend-4-over/#comment-811 Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 https://happilyevaafte.wpenginepowered.com/home/happily-eva-answers-best-friend-4-over#comment-811 I love this response. Something similar happened to me pre baby. It was so sudden and unexpected. I still to this day think about reaching out to my friend. However, my thought is our lives just went in two different directions. Maybe one day they will meet up again

]]> By: Joanna https://reztt.com/happily-eva-answers-best-friend-4-over/#comment-812 Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 https://happilyevaafte.wpenginepowered.com/home/happily-eva-answers-best-friend-4-over#comment-812 This was so incredibly helpful and such an important subject for new moms! Thank you for sharing your wisdom, it is very insightful.

]]> By: Carolina https://reztt.com/happily-eva-answers-best-friend-4-over/#comment-813 Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 https://happilyevaafte.wpenginepowered.com/home/happily-eva-answers-best-friend-4-over#comment-813 Great advice. I think we all can relate to this situation a bit. Really enjoyed reading.

]]> By: Sheresa https://reztt.com/happily-eva-answers-best-friend-4-over/#comment-814 Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 https://happilyevaafte.wpenginepowered.com/home/happily-eva-answers-best-friend-4-over#comment-814 I myself come from the other side of this story. I’m 31 years old and while a lot of my friends are married with children, I myself am not. I’ve experienced this “growing apart” with one of my own very best friends. Although I have never cut ties with her entirely I remember vividly the shift in our friendship when she had her first baby. Really what it comes down to is a change in life experiences and direction. While she is worried about well child check ups and healthy meals at home, I’m trying to figure out if I want to change careers or plan a big travel vacation. Our friendship has definitely changed since then (her oldest son is almost 4) we’ve found a new balance that works where I get to be kind of like the cool aunt.
Maybe your friend will come around, but maybe she won’t but either way things definitely won’t be the same. For me the balance lies in the fact that I have another best friend that I spend a lot of time with who is also unmarried and un-mommed. Hopefully it all works out in the end.

]]> By: Courtney https://reztt.com/happily-eva-answers-best-friend-4-over/#comment-815 Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 https://happilyevaafte.wpenginepowered.com/home/happily-eva-answers-best-friend-4-over#comment-815 Good advice. I went through the same thing after my twins were born. I ended up writing this particular friend I was having issues with an email. It was hard. But sometimes you just need to get things out there. I tried to be as positive as possible. I still love and cherish the friend I ‘broke up’ with. I felt a huge weight off my shoulders once things were said and done.
Wish you the best!

]]> By: Jules https://reztt.com/happily-eva-answers-best-friend-4-over/#comment-816 Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 https://happilyevaafte.wpenginepowered.com/home/happily-eva-answers-best-friend-4-over#comment-816 Even without children this can occur. I had a friend who was extremely dear to my heart but I felt that my friendship and my contributions to it were not valued. It got to a point where I was really hurting. I drew a line and ended the friendship. My friend did not respond much that I remember. But it liberated me. I had given so much and the inner balance was not working anymore. I felt I was doing all the giving.
Ten years later she sought me out again. And it turned out that at the time we both were parents to little girls very close in age.
We picked up our friendship again and are extremely close now.
I am happy with what I did. I had worked so hard for that friendship and was really hurting that everything was only one sided. I respected my feelings by walking away, after having tried everything else.
Sometimes you do meet again later in life. Any relationship should have a healthy balance of give and take. I also opened my heart and let her know that I care.
I would also clearly tell her one more time that you care about her friendship and that things will fall into place. But obviously having kids changes your life. It would be weird if it didn’t.
I have also learned to distinguish whether someone has really been a good friend for me or simply a friend for a long time.
Change is a part of life. It can also be an opportunity.

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